It is hard to believe that once you poop on someone’s car that you will have a future with their friend, however silence is golden and not sharing these things only helps a relationship! It wasn’t long after that episode that my grandpa got sick and as I was crying in a lift shack, Joseph pulled up on his snow mobile and came in, as I cried he only held me. It was a rocky start to our relationship.
A few days later my grandpa passed and I left to go to the funeral. When I returned, a day late, I was confronted by my ass of a boss who had written me up for missing work, because there was a blizzard and the highway was closed. Ahh, corporate America exists even in ski towns! I decided to take my pent up anger and sadness and then it into a 30 rack of PBR and bring it to the maintenance shop to share with Joseph and his coworkers. After I slammed too many beers in order to get over my annoyance of my boss Joseph and I went to eat Chinses food and then to his friends where we smoked a gigantic blunt at his friends house.
Shortly after the blunt I stood up and walked to the bathroom, I hardly made it in before I started to vomit all over the bathroom and to make matters worse, it was a carpeted bathroom. There was only so much I could try and clean up however it did not help that the world was spinning.
After this beautiful start it is hard to believe things lasted past that date however before I knew it we were living together. It had been a few months and things were going very well. All of the sudden my life was full of dinners with his family and planning our meals for the week.
The first 4th of July we had together was about 4 months after we started dating and we were at our house shooting off fireworks with our friends and Joseph’s family. After a few fireworks went off a very confrontational neighbor came down the street and started talking smack about how we were going to burn down the forest. Now this was some guy who maybe went to the mountains about once a year and thought he knew everything about everything, little did we know, he knew lots about nothing, except how to call the police.
After we shoot the last of the bottle rockets off our friends and Joseph’s family leave, we go inside and get a warning call from his dad saying there was a police car parked a couple houses down which led to Joseph squatting on the deckpeering thru the railing for the police. Next thing I know he did a summersault and ran off into the woods.
The cops are now outside my house, shining spotlights into the house as I hide in the kitchen with my roommate Martin, who is sporting his boxers and we are trying out what’s going on and where Joseph was. To top it off I then get a call from Joseph’s dad amking sure everything is good I let him know that Joseph dashed into the forest and I hadn’t seen him since-my silver lining to this was that his dad had a heads up now for when I would have to call to have him bail his son out of jail!
Moments later, as I am still talking to his dad and Joeseph walks in the door whistling and says, “Hey-ya baby cakes!”
He had double backed through the woods and ran into the cranky neighbor again who did not recognize him, after some banter back and forth the neighbor started putting two and two together as the cops walked up. Joseph made up a story about how he just moved in with his parents and he wasn’t sure who would be so inconsiderate as to light fireworks in the dry Colorado mountains and went on his way back to our house.
Looking back, between the pooping, and the puking and the disappearing acts into the woods it was the the strangest start to a relationship however it was also the most successful relationship I had! Now, I should update my dating profile to something like, “Looking for firework shooting, summersault doing individual who is ok with me not being able to control my bodily functions.”
Shocking it did not last forever. Shocking that I am still single.