I have never really believed in ghosts or anything like that, however I am able to admit that I am terrified of the dark and the idea of ghosts while I am in the dark makes me want to pee my pants, which is a whole other story as I wear dresses every day and never wear underwear. The thought of wetting myself with nothing to catch it is in itself, terrifying.
That bring said, I do remember my first experience with a ghost–though at the time I did not know there was a name for this type of ghost (or action). Yes, unfortunately the norm these days is an action known as, ghosting. I apologize to anyone who has ever experienced this because it sucks, though I would be lying if I said I had never done it myself.
Let us first visit my initial encounter with this. I had just moved back to the big city after years in the mountains–most of which was spent in an almost 5-year relationship–followed by an entertaining “downward spiral” that we will hear about another day. When I moved back to the city, it was to take a new job, but the combination of the short notice and lack of a substantial savings account meant I was going to stay with my parents for a while. Side note: it was awesome that my parents let me stay there and helped me through this transition. It was not awesome to live with my parents after almost a decade of living on my own.
Even though I was 28 and under their roof again, I was still a woman who had needs and wanted to find a nice man to date. Since it seems nice men do not exist, I found the next best thing: Jerome. It was early July, on a Friday, and I was on my way to a party with my parents, which may sound lame to some people however my parents and their friends are an f’ing blast and I was so excited to have a night of drinking, complete with a DD (thanks mom!) and fireworks. On the way there, right as we stopped at the liquor store–because my dad said we needed our own bottle of Crown since, “his friends don’t share well”–I saw Jerome on POF.
Jerome had a great smile, was attractive, a single dad (I had not yet ever dated someone with kids), and was the same religion as myself–pause for reaction from all our readers, but yes, I do go to church, and thus far it has never burnt down upon my entering into it.
Anyway, I sent him a generic “Hey, how are you?” I know, a real hook, line and sinker! He instantly replied and we ended up exchanging numbers and then nonstop texting all night. I learned more about him: he grew up in the same suburb as I did, went to a rival high school, and even went to the same church as I did. We quickly made plans for Monday night, but Sunday night after church (where we both were but did not see each other), and after my dinner with my family, we decided we couldn’t wait and decided to meet up and grab a drink. I remember telling my mom I was going to get coffee with a friend, which makes perfect sense, since who doesn’t drink coffee on a Sunday night at 8:30?
I met Jerome at a nearby bar and when I walked in and saw him I was very happy with my life choice. We talked and flirted for a couple hours and then when it was time to go he walked me to my car and after a very nice make out session we went our separate ways, with plans to still hangout the next night, as originally planned.
Over the next few months we were together all the time. We would go to church, go on dates, he would make me dinner, watch movies, sleepovers and all the typical couple stuff. I even met his daughter and won her over with ice cream and playing dolls. Things seemed to be going very well, until one day there was nothing. Radio silence. No response to phone calls or texts. It was like he disappeared.
There was one drunken night where I was in the backyard with my friends, and Warren told me I should drunk dial Jerome. I did, but Jerome did not answer, and Drunk J somehow let it go and didn’t even leave an angry message! That was a real growing moment for me! Still, I had never experienced anything like this and it was strange to have someone just disappear, especially after a few months.
Life went on and about 6 months later, after I had moved out of my parents’ home, I got a call from my brother who told me he saw Jerome show up to church again. I did not give it much thought but a couple weeks later, I was at church when I literally ran into him in the lobby. It was such an odd, surreal moment. Being in the lobby at church, it did not seem appropriate to tell him to “Fuck Off,” so as he hugged me, I hugged back, and went on my way…smiling at the fact that I looked good, and hoping it made him crazy!
After church, I saw him waiting around, which is unlike him. As I got in my car to go to my parents’ for dinner, I found myself texting him. It went something like this:
Me: “Hey…it was good to see you…”
Him: “Hey you! It was really good to see you! I waited for you after church, but I did not see you!”
Me: “Yep. I left.”
Him: “I am happy you texted me, I did not have your number anymore.”
Him: “I really owe you an apology!”
Me: “Really, over text? Classy.”
We met for drinks later that night. I was curious as to what he had to say, and free beer always sounds good. Maybe it was the Bud Light I was nursing or the fact that I am not a mean person and forgive easily, but that’s what I did. I forgave him. He told me stories of why he ghosted, reasons that did not seem outrageous or like reasons to hate him. I made him promise to never do it again, and then laughed when he asked if I had any friends I could hook him up with, since I was now dating Noah.
A few weeks later is when Noah and were on the rocks. I had seen him out on a date with someone else and although we had not broken up yet, I left his house knowing it was only a matter of days before we did. So, I texted Jerome. We made plans to go to the driving range after church, which then lead to dinner, which then lead to him dropping me off at my car in the church parking lot…and making out like we were in high school.
We started hanging out again, but I was never able to fully trust him. He promised that he was no longer going to moonlight as a magician and disappear, which was nice to hear–but not good enough to make me fully trust him. Besides, my family would not be supporters of this re-connection. On the bright side though, I did now have someone I trusted enough to watch movies with and bang.
Because we were not getting serious, I also didn’t feel bad when, on his birthday the next month, I texted to say hi, completely forgetting it was his birthday. He was at home and his daughter had just gone to bed. I said, “Well, everyone needs birthday sex, I am on my way over!”
I show up, we smoke some weed, chat, then go upstairs, and it goes like this: We make out. Clothes off. He goes down on me. I do not go down on him. He does all the work. We finish. He asks me to stay the night. I decline. Mic drop. J out.
I am such a man sometimes. A man and someone no longer afraid of ghosts–though I do have some faith that they exist, now!
With love, J!